There are many things running through my mind as I sit down to write something for the WM blog. I have two paragraphs written from a couple of weeks ago but this morning I am moving in a different direction. I took the day off to spend time with the Lord. I have been reflecting on a tough year. So many things have happened; so many lessons learned…learning. This morning I believe I will share a lesson on forgiveness, changing the way one thinks and as always, prayer.
My beloved step-dad of 33 years died the week before Christmas. He was the only grandfather (on my side of the family) my children knew and he was a good one. He and my mom married following the death of both of their spouses and after seeking council from Pastor Reed at First Church of the Nazarene, who gave his blessings. We have wonderful memories of great times together. We loved him and he loved us. But, for a reason we still do not know, two of his children were against the marriage from the beginning. Mom and Al were both Christians, both dedicated to the Lord and active participants together at First Church. I could not have picked a better spouse for either one of them. They had a good life together, loved one another, worked together for the Lord, and were happy.
I thought perhaps the resentment against my mom had dissipated after they were joined in marriage, but it did not. There were many things that happened throughout the 33 years where that root of bitterness reared its ugly head. As a last deed when Al was on his deathbed, bank account numbers were obtained, online banking established in mom and Al’s names and money transferred from their joint account to the two children’s private accounts. I am trying to think of a softer way to say this and am trying hard not to make this about “what they did” because other than the root of bitterness taking hold of one’s heart, that is not the point. But here is the point.
Once this information was learned, what was I going to do with it? How would you feel knowing your mom was provided for and then oops, no she’s not? I immediately knew the devil was going to try to get a foothold, ah a root of bitterness in my own heart. But for the better part of one whole day I allowed those bad thoughts to take hold anyway. I wanted to react like they do on TV…I wanted to “get them”. But as the sun went down and the Scripture kept repeating in my mind, “let not the sun go down on your wrath” and as those unhealthy, unhappy feelings gripped my heart, I wanted to be rid of them.
First, I learned that it doesn’t matter how old you are or how long you have served the Lord. Satan is a roaring lion going to and fro throughout the whole earth seeking whom he may devour. He was after me! One of the benefits of spiritual maturity (old age) is to see with spiritual eyes. I knew what was happening. I knew the Lord could take it and turn it around, but I myself had no idea how he would get this out of my heart. I just knew he would if I asked Him.
So, when the family went to bed I had a talk with the Lord. First, I asked Him to give me someone in the Scripture who had experienced this kind of betrayal. This is funny now because there are so many, but I could not think of one person in the Scripture who had had this happen to him and that is just what I told the Lord. [I always look to the Scripture for help and for examples and they have always been there, but not this time. Oh how the devil blocks your mind and keeps you from thinking rightly.]
The Lord answered immediately. My mind was flooded with people and examples far worse than my mother’s. First, He said, what about Joseph? His own brothers betrayed him and sold him into slavery. What about Sampson, Delilah betrayed him; David betrayed Uriah, a man that had been loyal to him from the beginning, from the times when they had hid in caves together; what about Absalom, David’s own son? And then He said this, “What about me? One of my own twelve, one who ate with me, saw my miracles, even that one betrayed me. And what about my own Jewish people? I came to give them life, but they turned on me and crucified me.”
So now I am weeping and calling to mind how these same people reacted to their individual betrayals. I won’t take the space here to record all their words but they all forgave. I will record the words of Jesus on the cross, Father forgive them.
So now, Jesus is changing me, changing my thinking, asking me to forgive them. Wow, this is hard; harder because they did it to my 84 year old ailing mom who needs sitters to care for her and money to pay for the sitters. My mom who always loved and prayed for them and tried so hard to make them love her. But that part was Jesus’ business; He would take care of my mom. I was the one standing in need. It was me with sin in my heart. It was me who needed to forgive and be forgiven. I said to the devil, I am not about to let you get me after all these years. I will not let this root of bitterness take hold.
So I turned back to the Lord and asked for one more thing: Lord give me a different way to think about them. What I am thinking is mean and unkind and vindictive. How should I think? Help me to think like you. And so He did. He showed me Al and the love he had for his children and how much he wanted them to spend eternity in heaven. He reminded me of their mother, Jeanette, who had died so young but was there now in heaven and wanting very much for her children to join her. He showed me the eternal need; He gave me eternal eyesight. He told me Al wanted me to pray for them, forgive them. I saw people standing outside the gates of heaven discussing how the devil had won them. One was saying, “he got me with lust”; another, “he got me with greed and bitterness”, and on it went, people naming ways the devil won them and I saw how senseless and stupid it was. How we just give a place to the devil in our hearts and lives and let him take over.
And now I was ready. He had answered my prayers. He had given me examples, powerful examples, from the Holy Scriptures and he had changed my way of thinking. I was ready to let the Lord cleanse my heart of all those unkind thoughts; ready to start praying for them. More than that, I wanted to pray for them. And so before I closed my eyes to sleep, I obeyed the Lord. I let Him cleanse me, let Him set me free and I prayed and am praying for their change of heart too. Oh How Great is Our God! By His power He changes the heart. He changes the mind. He forgives and restores and fills the heart with His precious Holy Spirit. How Great is our God! Praise His name forever. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!